Thursday, May 7, 2009

Bro Hate

Everyone loves a good hangover. Last night was one of my only good female friends 21st birthday so we took her out downtown. It was a brilliantly great time, a plethora of laughter and debauchery. Mayhem ensued when Sam and I became intoxicated ourselves, which is relatively rare. We live at 7,000 feet so we train our miserable livers like an Olympiad. We are poor fucks so going out for a night on the town is almost unheard of for us, especially to become inebriated to the point of babbling.The birthday girl was as perfectly composed as one can attain when there are 7 men surrounding the buxom blond with drinks in the off chance she will forget her standards and run away with them. She was the hot piece of ass last night. Can a girl want more for her 21st? ;) Luckily, no damage was done and through careful drunken manipulation she was veered home with no major indiscretion.
I have always surrounded myself with male friends, mostly because estrogen pisses me off 80% of the time, only the rarest of women do I truly feel like I can relate to. It was most entertaining last night however, to observe the typical 20 something human Male's hunting for a bed mate. I avoid the bars to seer clear of aforesaid males but something clicked in my mind last night and I almost wet myself laughing at the passes that were being made at my friend. Somewhere in these poor boys minds something told them, "It's OK Gary, use the cheesiest lines you can think of.. it will work." Yes, you telling a self respecting female that you want to put it in her pooper really does work.. eeerrmm no. Sorry Gary, your guardian angel is just as much of a frat bro as you are and has effectively cock blocked you. Go back to your house and play Halo. Don't come back until you have grown a brain.

1 comment:

  1. Awwwww, I miss you! And this was a geniously written piece just fyi, haha