revelation

The world I live in has always taught me that life isn't fair. To anyone. Which is fair. Interesting...

Go time.

"I always thought I'm not strong enough. But when I look at those obstacles behind me, I am sure I can overcome what's coming."
I found this quote on post secret today. It made me think, we all go through tough times, some tougher than others. We all go through moments of heavy decisions, some just a little heavier than others. In all, no matter what bull shit life has thrown at my face, I can look behind me and be confidant that I have and will continue to pick myself up, look god herself in the eye and say "Bring it on. I WILL make it to my goals. Just watch me."

Schmoopy

I feel like the only time I ever blog is to update the world on my rainbow hopping, bubble blowing happiness or on my lethargic gut retching despair. OK maybe I am being dramatic but seriously Jesus Tit Fucking Christ!!! My life is so up and down there is never a happy medium, at this point I would settle for unhappy medium. Now I am being "schmoopy". Damn it. No more schmoopy Jenn.

argh

So, My little brother is back in town for my Dad's 50th. He is currently residing on my couch due to the complete lack of space that my home entails. As much as I love my family being together for this, I am painfully reminded every time he comes home that I am most definitely not the favorite child. Under normal circumstances this is an OK gig for me, I am the rebel, the black sheep, the heathen. I am the only member of my family that does not subscribe to "Christians-R-US" or whatever those people read. (the Bible maybe?) Anyways, I am also the only democrat in a family of rush limbaugh loving, deer head hanging, G.W. humping, gun toting republicans. wheee. It is a typical joke in my family to refer to their oldest child as "the hippy" or "our token democrat". (This is a reference to me by the way.)
My brother on the other hand, is in the Navy, the best shot in his command, drives a gas guzzling Jeep, goes to church on the weekend, doesn't smoke or drink and married a girl before moving in with her. The worst bit about the whole damn thing is that I love my brother. I wish I could hate him for being so goddamn perfect but I can't. He is a sweet, caring and beautiful person. Shit.
Tomorrow is the day, maybe things will be better.
I miss Sam.

Creek?

So yesterday was my day off wheeee! I went down to Sedona with friends and had a blast! (not the Sonic kind) The drive is one of the prettiest drives I have ever been on and I have driven through quite a bit of country. The weather was perfect, the music was joy to my ears and the company second to none. We arrived at the little spot the frat boys and sorosti-tots haven't discovered yet and began the hike. By hike, I mean a crude form of scrambling, shimmying down a canyon over boulders and avoiding cactus. It was brilliant. Granted I was cursing Carolina the whole way down because she said the hike was easy. She has to lie to me to get me outdoors on my days off work because my idea of a good day off work includes me, beer, the computer and Journey playing all day. Carolina is right though, when I go hiking I am a happier Jenn, just a mite more pain ridden than I would have been otherwise. We finally made it to the bottom of the canyon and gravitate towards Oak Creek like moths to a bug zapper. Stripping down to the bikini and shorts I typically don when sploshing and splashing about we climbed in. The water was great, it was still a bit cold but hell it's running down from my mountain's snowy peaks, yeah it may be a bit frosty. After sunning for a bit and feeling super confident in my scarred and thoroughly unique beautiful self I went down the creek. The fun way. It's like a roller coaster that can drown you and who doesn't love that? Yesterday was the most relaxing to the point of mush day I have had in such a long time. Everyone needs that. If anyone else wants to go next time let me know and we will make a day of it. I'll bring the beer!

come home!

So Sam and I are in our new place thanks to the help of our AMAZING friends. You guys rock. I have been moving every summer for the past 3 years you would think that I would have it down by this point. Nope. It's exciting running around your room trying to find all of your things. I slept naked last night because my jimmy jams are hiding, perhaps they have run away with my shampoo and loofah.... bitches. My biceps are so sore from working, packing, moving and cleaning yesterday they are getting tired typing. I think I will go down to Sedona today with Piper and veg out by the creek with a book. hmm I wonder where I put my bathing suit?

Bro Hate

Everyone loves a good hangover. Last night was one of my only good female friends 21st birthday so we took her out downtown. It was a brilliantly great time, a plethora of laughter and debauchery. Mayhem ensued when Sam and I became intoxicated ourselves, which is relatively rare. We live at 7,000 feet so we train our miserable livers like an Olympiad. We are poor fucks so going out for a night on the town is almost unheard of for us, especially to become inebriated to the point of babbling.The birthday girl was as perfectly composed as one can attain when there are 7 men surrounding the buxom blond with drinks in the off chance she will forget her standards and run away with them. She was the hot piece of ass last night. Can a girl want more for her 21st? ;) Luckily, no damage was done and through careful drunken manipulation she was veered home with no major indiscretion.
I have always surrounded myself with male friends, mostly because estrogen pisses me off 80% of the time, only the rarest of women do I truly feel like I can relate to. It was most entertaining last night however, to observe the typical 20 something human Male's hunting for a bed mate. I avoid the bars to seer clear of aforesaid males but something clicked in my mind last night and I almost wet myself laughing at the passes that were being made at my friend. Somewhere in these poor boys minds something told them, "It's OK Gary, use the cheesiest lines you can think of.. it will work." Yes, you telling a self respecting female that you want to put it in her pooper really does work.. eeerrmm no. Sorry Gary, your guardian angel is just as much of a frat bro as you are and has effectively cock blocked you. Go back to your house and play Halo. Don't come back until you have grown a brain.

Hmmm says I

So, my day was relaxing(ish) for lack of a better and more original word. I began my day in my typical joyous manner a.k.a laboriously crawled my way to Starbucks and mumbled for my iced quad grande soy latte. NOW! Went to lunch with my father and had very mature and honest conversation. Which with my liberal views and the penchant for crass humor and his very strict conservative religious beliefs it is a difficult feat to accomplish. We had fun joking about the ridiculous parents in the restaurant who were letting their spawn run about like demented deamons, which, by the way, I am far from convinced they are not. We talked about ourselves, school, work and family, a real heart to heart. It's intersting to see pieces of your own personality in members of your family that you previously thought you were nothing like.
In other news, my new book came via amazon today so after sucking down copious amounts of espresso with as much gusto as can be imagined I sat down to read. Anyone who knows me and my reading habits knows this was a bad call on my part. When I read a book, I don't put it down again until it is finished or the house is on fire and has burned said book from my blackening fingers. So out I was, sitting under an aspen tree communing with nature while immersed in a truly enjoyable mystery novel and chain smoking. What was forgotten however was the sun glaring down upon my pale ass Irish shoulders and head. Needless to say by the time I finished said book (about an hour ago) I have begun to take the semblance of a lobster. Ouchie...Bad Jenn.

On a Nerdier Note..

I tried Dawn of War 2 yesterday and am already attached by the fingertips. If you haven't played it, you are missing out on a great time. The campaign mode is so much fun I have abandoned Sins of a Solar Empire and WoW for the time being to enjoy the caresses of my new lover. purrrr.

That Dirty Slut Called Mother Nature

I love summer time in Flagstaff. Trees are blooming full of flowers, leaves, pollen and baby birds. The sun has finally broken free of the dismal and perniciously clinging grey spring clouds. The air seems to be full of life in the early summer and anyone with eyes to see can appreciate the new leaf on the tulip that grows on the walk to work or the new nest of sparrows in the blooming tree outside the window. I internally congratulate nature for renewing life so quickly, if my day was half as full of photosynthesis, growing new shoots of grass or building the new nest I would be a millionaire by now.
The other beautiful thing about summer is the simple fact that clothes are completely optional. How many times have you seen a girl sitting outside in naught but her bikini top and "camel toe" accentuating booty shorts? Multitudes I say! Who complains about a little skin they tell me? Men like to see it and women like to show it off, where is the necessity for commentary you ask? Ah my beautiful readers, I will satisfy your morbid curiosity. I like camel toe as much as the next girl, and I have been known to crave rays known to the state of California to cause cancer, but really women should take care what they put on their bodies especially in this trying time of warmth. I know it's tempting to wriggle into that tight fitting tank top that makes you look neck less due your nipples attempting to violently attack your eyes in addition to your miniskirt so short I can see the herpes on your clitoris, but I ask this as a well meaning member of the same sex, please don't. It scares the children.

Fail

There are some days when I feel like I have completely failed at life in general. This may sound pretty emo but I am feeling rather emo at the moment so please forgive the self indulgent pity party I am currently throwing myself.
I feel like everyone out there in the world is succeeding and moving forward, towards their hopes, dreams and goals. I feel as though I am not. I know my life has been difficult as well as the fact that I have less parental involvement/ aid than many of my peers. I have been hospitalized for months, slapped down under a mountain of debt and have a job that will most likely not take me anywhere. Everyone else in my peer group is growing up, graduating college, getting paid internships in foreign countries, getting married and even having babies. Don't get me wrong, the babies bit I would gladly continue to be without but everything else I would give vital organs for.
A friend of mine I haven't seen in almost a year saw my boyfriend of 4 years and I out smoking today. She and I started college together, she is one of the few people who is a religion major and we hit it off at freshman orientation. We attended many of the same religion and language classes together for two years. When I was forced to drop out of school due to my financial inability to go to school full time and work 60 hours a week we lost contact. She walked up to me today like we never lost a day and we began chatting. She is graduating this next month and attending grad school with a full ride scholarship. She is also getting married in August to a guy she has been with for a few years now. I said all of the necessary congratulations that a friend says to another and I am truly happy for her success and good fortune. However I am also green with envy and feel my heart breaking at the thought that I have not and will not achieve what she has for her life. My goals in life are to graduate college with a PHD in Religion, travel and study different cultures and religions through experience and to make a name for myself and a better life for my family than I had. It's depressing to know that the likelihood of that happening at this point in my life is slim to none. The mountain of debt never seems to shift, which prevents any return to school plans or travel for that matter.
I wrote a paper my freshman year of college on why I decided to go to college instead of working or joining the army. My answer was this; I will work my hardest to succeed and achieve all of the goals I set for myself. The mind is the only muscle worth working out, without it we are all a bunch of brainless idiots running around shooting one another without any inkling of why. I want to know why.
No one ever told me it would have been easier to go kill people for 4 years than to attempt to put myself through college.

Santa?

After a hellish week of uncontrolled screaming children, boiling lava hot milk explosions and wannabe Picasso shit paintings on the bathroom stalls I am free for 4 days. Thank you to every Deity out there in the swirling cosmos. On another note; anyone hear about the preserved baby mammoth they found in Siberia? Check it out! http://videoguide.msn.com/play/?g=ebb22c82-715c-4dd9-b57d-d16493ea3399&gt1=42007
I thought it was funny that some poor reindeer herder found it. HA! Imagine him just running along with Dasher and Dancer and falling face first into a mammoth carcass! .. Anywho, the sun has returned to my beautiful little slice of the earth everyone belongs out under it's cancerous UV rays including myself. Peace.

Honestly

I love blogging. It opens the mind to be free from typical human interaction. It is a rare thing to find two people in the world who can openly and 100% honestly communicate with one another. Becoming completely honest with someone in person is terrifying because there isn’t that layer of bullshit to support and pad opinions. It is becoming mentally naked and free. You never know how much that toasty layer of bullshit encumbers the process of thought. You are exposed on the rooftop of a skyscraper open to all of the incessant and painful pecking of the world, but you are also opening yourself to a whole new concept of communication. Usually it takes years of being in a relationship, or a plethora of medication to reach truthfulness when you are facing a person. No matter what people may say, no one is being honest with you. I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years and I know that there are still “unsaid feelings” and white lies. Watching couples come to my store I can see the love with resentment and tension that exists in every relationship. I want to try this whole becoming purely honest thing, but I know that the moment I do there will be fiery retribution.

Day off

The rather pathetic thing is that without work I get listless and restless. (Yep at the same time) I enjoy my job and all of the crazies that go along with it, work makes my life interesting. I practically live at my job so this blog will probably include multiple stories of insane caffeine addicted persons, screaming children I kicked in the road mentally as well as my usual banter. I am convinced that I will acquire lung cancer soon from the plethora of waste and foul substances that are spewed from the bowels of humanity and haphazardly land around-ish my trash cans.

I have a question for all parents of small children; why can’t you throw your child’s pea green toxic diaper in the trash can?! There is one outside; big metal box says waste receptacle on it… it won’t melt my eyebrows out there. Please for the love of all that is beautiful in this world throw it away outside. Better yet, why don’t you toss it at home? You chose to breed, YOU clean up the mess. I don’t get paid even close to enough to pick up after your evil smelling spawn.

Talking to myself

Blogging; the opportunity to talk to yourself without anyone looking at your loony ass and suddenly deciding to clutch their gold Jesus on a cross and the rhinestone studded,pampered pooch a little closer. Yes, the crazy redhead attempting to shoot up espresso and chain smoking will most definitely want to take "Princess Fluffy Balls" home. Only if my dust bunnies can eat it.